A Simple Truth That Will Transform Your Relationships

In a recent class, I came across the saying, “We employ people but never show them how to do things.” This simple statement sparked a deeper thought—one that applies to so much more than just the workplace.

It brings to mind a fundamental truth about relationships, growth, and personal development. “You cannot judge the work you never showed someone how to do”.

This principle is powerful. In our relationships, we often expect people to act a certain way without ever clearly communicating our needs or desires. We get frustrated when a partner doesn't understand us, a friend lets us down, or a family member doesn't meet our expectations. But have we truly shown them how to succeed? Have we communicated our needs with the guidance, patience, and grace that we ourselves would want?

Just like an employer who hires someone and then fails to train them, we can't expect perfection from others if we don't provide the guidance they need. 

THIS APPLIES TO SO MANY AREAS OF LIFE:

•A new relationship: You can’t expect your partner to know your love language if you never communicate it.

•A team at work: A manager can’t criticize an employee for a mistake if they never provided proper training.

•Personal growth:You can’t expect yourself to be perfect at something you’ve never practiced.

Love, like any skill, requires guidance, patience, and grace. Growth is a process, not an overnight transformation. We are all learning, and we all deserve to be taught and to teach with compassion.

So, before you pass judgment, ask yourself: 

“ have I shown them how to do this? ”

And if the answer is “no”, take a moment to be a guide, not a critic. The greatest transformations happen when we take the time to show, not just expect.

THE BOSS VS. THE LEADER

Think of the difference between a boss and a leader. A boss gives orders and expects results, often without providing the necessary training or support. When things go wrong, the boss blames the employee. A leader, on the other hand, provides a clear vision, empowers their team, and offers the tools and guidance needed to succeed. When the team fails, the leader takes responsibility and uses it as a teaching moment. This same dynamic exists in our personal lives.

REDEFINING YOUR APPROACH TO RELATIONSHIPS

Imagine a different way of interacting. Instead of simply expecting, try these three steps:

1. Communicate with Clarity : The first step to teaching is clear communication. We need to express our needs and expectations directly, using “I” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You never help around the house”, try, “I feel overwhelmed when the chores pile up, and I would really appreciate it if you could help with the dishes”.  This approach removes blame and opens the door for a collaborative solution.

2. Model the Behavior : The most effective way to teach a skill is to model it yourself. If you want a more patient and empathetic relationship, you must first be patient and empathetic. If you want your partner to be more communicative, start by sharing your feelings openly and honestly. Be the change you want to see.

3. Offer Grace and Patience : Personal growth is a journey, not a destination. When someone makes a mistake, whether a colleague, a friend, or your partner, your first reaction should be to offer grace, not judgment. See the setback as an opportunity to teach and learn together. This approach not only builds resilience but also strengthens trust and deepens connections.

THE ULTIMATE LESSON 

This principle also applies to our relationship with ourselves. We often judge our own failures harshly, beating ourselves up for not being “good enough” at a new skill or for making a mistake. But what if we applied the same logic? You can’t judge yourself for a skill you’ve never been taught. Personal growth requires self-compassion and patience.

Instead of demanding perfection, acknowledge that you are a work in progress. When you stumble, take a deep breath, and ask yourself what you can learn from the experience. Embrace the process of becoming. It’s in those moments of teaching and learning—both with others and with ourselves—that we find true growth and build a foundation for a more compassionate and fulfilling life.

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